It’s felt like ages since I’ve sat down to write. And I suppose it has been ages. Lifetimes. This year has been unusually plagued by a series of deaths of men in my life. Six or seven at last count. A statistical anomaly. One of which was my father. I’m hoping now, that things have calmed down.
I am shaken. I’m a fairly even keeled, pragmatic, stoic person. But viewing all this from sixty thousand feet, it’s hard to make sense of. Not just the semi regular ticking of the clock marked by the passing of fellows in my orbit but of everything thats going on on this pale blue dot. None of it is making much sense right now. We may be poised on the brink of a third world war. Or another American Civil War. Time will tell. Not much time I fear. And yet the daily chores must be done. The garbage needs to go out to the curb. Work still expects me to show up on time.
Theres still some drive within me to carry on as things had been even though nothing is the same. I sit here, partly minded towards fulfilling my responsibilities as a creator and a maker and a writer, maybe. I’m feeling compelled to do something with the last few photoshoots I’ve completed. Get them in front of some viewers. That they’re ghosts in a box waiting patiently to be set free. Latent images that demand to be seen.
So many ghosts in boxes. So many boxes.
Theres a stack of tintypes and Polaroids to my right that need to be scanned. I don’t know how to live without the constant push of creativity driving me on. Some project, some scheme, some, job, something to keep my hands and my mind busy. I’ve never once just had a 9-5 job. My free time has always been full of more self imposed work. Something to push things forward. This moment in time, this rift, this pause has forced me to step back. To slow down. I have some fear that if I slow down that I may never get going again. That my old life will become lost.
I’ve taken up residence in my mother’s home. It’s a nice home in the suburbs. We moved here when I was 12. It’s comfortable. We get along well. Theres room for me to build a pottery studio. An office for my work. A garage for my car. Places that were my father’s domain. And she likes having me here. This new reality is taking some gettin used to. I miss my apartment and my studio and the chaos of city life. I’m very used to being alone. I prefer it that way.
I am moving away from posting whole photo sets to this here site. The payment processors and their crusade against sexuality have made it near impossible to monetize creative work that contains the bare human form. Slow fascism. Death by capitalism. So, for now, Patreon seems to be a bit of a safe harbor with so called NSFW artwork. We’ll see how long that lasts.
I’d love it if you joined me there. A small monthly contribution makes creating this work a little easier. www.patreon.com/lacunha The first Patreon exclusive shoot is of the lovely Anna Lisa Wagner. A strikingly beautiful woman and gentle soul. It will be online momentarily.
Thank you for welcoming a small part of my reality into your consciousness.