Of Mice and Men

Three years after the first shut down. In this supposedly post pandemic world. I’ve maybe gotten over the concept that things will ever go back to what we considered normal before. Society has shifted. Maybe for good. Not saying it’s positive or negative, it just is. Live performance venues around the Bay Area are shutting down. Bars and restaurants are struggling. I still don’t have an urge to go out to a crowded bar for happy hour. Are there still happy hours? I don’t exactly know where this feeling is coming from. I’m not afraid. I rarely wear a mask unless I have to. I have no problem being out in the world to take care of business. To work, to shoot. But for some reason, going out just for fun feels a little wrong. It’s more appealing to stay in. Keep gatherings small. Cook at home, order take out. Going out somehow still feels little naughty. A little edgy. Like I said, I don’t know where this is coming from. Is it collective trauma? Echos of the pandemic? When if ever will we get our groove back? Things still feel a little dangerous and uncertain. Fortunately models and artists are pretty eager to collaborate and create again. Like this set with Kamila. @hypeaar on Insta. I caught her on a California tour from Poland. A little modeling, a little Burning Man. It’s a pretty dark and moody set. Maybe that’s what’s got me in this melancholy mood. Maybe things will feel better in the Spring.

If a wave crashes on the shore, and there's no one there to see it, does it earn a like?

I’ve been thinking a lot about social media lately. I think a lot of us are. There was a period of time when it represented a democratization of the tools and reach that are needed as creators to get ourselves in front of a larger, potential audience. Fortunes were won, careers made. “Influencers” rose and fell. A tool for good. Somewhere along the way, the platforms realized their power. Their earning power. And it shifted into something ugly. No longer would I be able to see my friend from college’s latest piece of writing or my neighbor’s latest project. It all got drowned out in a deluge of algorithm driven trash. A tsunami of outlandish, performative, manufactured drivel. I barely open Instagram anymore. Twitter is being driven into the ground by a billionaire man child. People fled. Too hard to whittle the signal from the noise.

So, I ask. If a wave crashes on the shore and there’s no one there to see it, does it earn a like ♥️? Is there a point in creating if no one will see the creation? As a photographer, I create pieces that are meant to be viewed. For whatever reason. To inspire, to give a moment of beauty, of thought, of desire, happiness. Whatever. As a creator, as an artist, if no one will see my work, is it worth making? Is it worth expending my resources of time, energy, money on something that will leave no impression? Is my message lost in the darkness? Am I shouting into the void? These are the thoughts that possess me. So, as a matter of course, I have to ask myself, what does it matter? What does it matter if my works are seen? If my words and images have weight? Is it just ego driven? Do I have some deep need for validation and love that’s not being met? Maybe. Maybe I just want to feel that what I’m doing is worthwhile. To someone. That it matters.

In the course of mulling all this over, I think back to days and experiences like the one below. Times spent creating with and experiencing fellow human beings. Building memories. And fuck yes its worth while. I think back to that day shooting with Bella and what the weather was like. Rainy on the south shore, warm, humid, fragrant. The sound of her voice and the laughter of my friend and assistant Greg. Her friend that happened to be at the beach we were shooting at. Our dinner together and beer that should have been colder. Walking to an active volcano in complete darkness and the smell of sulphur in the air. It all matters. Every image I take is tied to a trove of memories. Memories that build a life. I hear the waves crashing. All I can do is share it with no expectations.

So, with all that in mind, I’m feeling like the only course forward is to create and maintain sites such as this. Longer form words and images that can’t be shown on the platforms anyway. Something that I own and control. Though, sooner or later, the puritanical p@yment pro$$ors will catch on and crack down. Flying under the radar I am. This was never meant to be a money making endeavor. It would be nice, as a way to off set the costs of doing business, but its not necessary. I’d find a way to make these things even if I were flat broke. I can’t not. As of now, I’m reducing the monthly membership to $5. Kind of an experiment, Kind of curious about the price/quantity balance. In all reality, I can’t commit to keeping this thing updated every week, so I make no promises. Your support is appreciated. Oh, and if you’re a current member, feel free to cancel your membership and rejoin at the lower tier. Or it may just re-bill at the lower price. Don’t really know.


Its more about being seen and heard than anything else. Or maybe its just about speaking. Whether it’s heard or not. . .

Bella on Black Sand

I was fortunate to travel to the Big Island of Hawaii with the Day Gig. I had a good bit of free time after our shoot so decided to enlist a local model to create some beauty with. While scrolling through ModelMayhem, I came across Bella Donna (https://www.instagram.com/bellatrixortreat2/) She kind of specializes in taking out of towners around to beautiful shoot spots on the island. She’s had extensive experience as a traveling model, all around the US and recently settled in Hawaii. As soon as she mentioned a black sand beach, I knew that was the spot. With visions of the Wicked Game video by Chris Issak. Directed by Herb Ritts, scantily clad Helena Christensen, black sand, black lingerie, chipped nail polish. 80’s boy’s teenaged dream. This shoot spot was on the other side of the island, requiring a two hour drive over Saddle Road. Arriving a couple hours before sunset, on the west side. Soft subdued light, some dramatic clouds towards the horizon. It was pretty perfect. This beach was known as a clothing optional spot so no one would hassle us for shooting nudes. The only real challenge was cropping out the old naked dude making a fire in our background. We spent an hour and a half shooting then grabbed some dinner. Bella nearly insisted that since we were on that side of the island, that we make an after dark stop at Volcanos National Park on our way home. “You’ll never forget it.” she said. She was right. After a short hike, we arrived at a spot with a view of a glowing, undulating caldera. Steam and smoke escaping into the sky, below the Milky Way. There was something magical about the juxtaposition of the vast night sky and the earth beneath our feet, liquid and churning just a few hundred yards from us. Everything is moving, all the time. Everything.

Makayla in Silver

The take from our tintype shoot a few weeks ago. In all her uncensored glory.
All original 6.5x7 inch available for sale. Enquire here.

Pretzelle.

What do you think about the vulgarity?

I was on a work trip recently, and one of my teammates, our social video shooter was reading a book by the pool after a long day of work. The cover looked familiar so I asked her what it was. Jitterbug Perfume by Tom Robbins. I had brought the same book on the same trip and we were both about a hundred pages in. We briefly talked about the various storylines and plots and the absurdity of it all. “What do you think about the vulgarity?” She asked. There are indeed various scenes and circumstances that are quite vulgar. Prurient. In an almost satirical way that Tom Robbins captures beautifully. I enjoy the vulgarity I replied. I think its my favorite part.

I enjoy the vulgarity. I like holding up and exposing aspects of human desire that maybe we’re ashamed to admit to. That we keep in the shadows. I love that truth. I love all truth. It excites me. Gets the juices flowing. I think part of the reason that we find ourselves in this mess we’re in, is the tendency to suppress and push down our desires. To judge them instead of acknowledging them, allowing them to exist. To breathe. What we decide to do about them is a different animal. But if we can step aside and look at them, diffuse them or embrace them, pack them up and put them aside or hold them up to the light. That’s all individual choice.  As long as everyone is consenting, as long as it doesn’t hurt anyone else. Embrace your vulgarity. Because it doesn’t ever go away. Its in you. Unless you shine a light into the shadows, darkness remains. Done bun can’t be undone.

Pretzelle

Just up late, working on shit. I liked this. Didn’t want to censor it.

Charlotte in Argyle and Denim

A new post after an extended hiatus. When it rains, it pours. When work becomes non stop there’s little energy for much else. Been thinking a lot about live work balance. When you love what you do, it’s easy to pour yourself into what you’re tasked with. Fortunately it was a temporary situation and now I get some breathing room. Time to do nothing is just as important as working your ass off. Anywho, enjoy these images of Charlotte. Post tintype session. 100+ photos after the Jump.

Mia, Tintype Commission

Mia reached out to me a few months ago via Instagram wanting to set up a tintype shoot. These days, I avoid the types of sittings where the subject hires me to shoot one or two plates. Its a much more fulfilling experience if we spend some time together, work through a number of shots, change wardrobe, feel things out, get to know one another. It becomes more of a collaborative dance as opposed to one and done. It meshes with the slow creation that is wet plate collodion photography.

If you’re in the San Francisco Bay Area and would like to book a shoot, reach out. I only accept one sitting per week. studio@lacuna.one

This is my current working collodion recipe. This is some kind of bastard child between Old Reliable and Old Dead Bride.
In a 100ml beaker add a couple drops of distilled water.
To that, add .75g of Cadmium Bromide
and 1g Potassium Iodide
mix with a glass stir rod to dissolve.
add to that 60ml of Ethanol.
Stir and set aside.
Measure 60ml of USP Collodion using a graduated cylinder.
Pout it into the vessel in which you will keep your final salted collodion.
To the same graduate, measure 32ml of Ether.
Add the Ether to the Collodion and swirl to mix.
Always add your ether to your collodion and not the other way around.
Add the salted alcohol mixture from the beaker into the vessel and mix.
Add either one drop of iodine or a good splash of old working collodion.
Let sit for 24 hours and it will clear. Best to ripen for a week, but its usable right away.

In Memoriam. Sharon Marie Quinn.

I can’t remember how Sharon and I connected. Some modeling website perhaps. We grew up in the same town. Went to the same high school. She and I decided to start shooting together. Sets for the now, long defunct Zivity.com. She had a classic, vintage Playboy, girl next door, bombshell aesthetic that is rarely found. She, her husband and I would spend summer afternoons shooting various setups around the property I was living on. He was pretty easy on the eyes too...

We shot together on and off for maybe, twelve years. I can see my technique grow as she and I grew more comfortable together. Became better friends. I’m flattered and honored that I was the first photographer she felt comfortable enough with to pose nude. And one of the only ones. We had a lot of fun. It was helpful that her husband was super supportive and frequently present on our shoots.

Its a funny thing. The relationships you form with people you create with. I can’t say she and I were tremendous friends apart from making pictures together, but we kept tabs on one another. Exchanged random texts. There’s an intimacy that you step into with someone you’re shooting with. Especially if its nude or sensual or erotic. Its a construct you form to make the work you both desire, yet there is a residual closeness because you shared something together. . . It’s a really beautiful container. Someone once said that you fall a little bit in love with everyone you ever photograph. Yeah. . .

Anyway. Below are a few of my favorite images of her over the years. I’ll miss you Sharon. I hope they have bourbon in heaven. I’ll never forget you.

naked is not illegal

From time to time, I’ll post images that don’t meet the “community standards” of gate kept platforms. A simple figure study is somehow highly offensive. Think of the children.
This is a tintype of Julia I shot last weekend Something very classic about it. Oh, and yesterday was Edward Weston’s birthday. 136 I believe. . .

Nude tintype, figure study image.

Heather On White

Heather posted an image from this shoot today on her Instagram and I had almost forgot about it. There’s actually enough materiel from this day for at least two or three more sets. This is super stripped down, shot in the natural light studio on white, with a white plexiglass surface, ending with some yoga poses. There are hardly any safe for work images to use as previews so make sure you click through to see the whole thing.

Taylor. She Bends.

It feels a little weird and frivolous to be updating a nudie website while the world is on watch for the tipping point into world war three. Some say we’re already there. People, just like us, half a world away that just want to live their lives. Fall in love, do something meaningful, make dinner for their children, life a life free of fear. Yet munitions are raining from the sky and thousands of peaceful citizens have picked up arms to defend that sacred freedom. I don’t mean that lightly. The people of Ukraine have had a number of free years after having lived under the oppression of the Soviet Union. They’re not going back to that without a viscous fight. They’re being under estimated. It makes you take a step back and look around at our own situation. In one of the most “free” countries on the planet. What do we take for granted? I can sit here and write whatever I want and no one can do a goddamn thing about it. No brown shirt thugs will show up in the middle of the night and drag me from my bed. Its not like that everywhere. Count your goddamn blessings. Here’s a set of photos of Taylor. 80 or so more when you click through. She recently had her account shit canned at 25,000 followers. Go give her a follow: instagram.com/bendy_taylor/ And no, that’s not censorship. As much as it sucks, that’s just capitalism.

Kalima

Another quick set in between tintypes. During a tintype session, there’s three or so minutes between shots when the plate is in the silver bath sensitizing. Or, “cooking” as I often call it. sometimes we’ll use that time to refine the next pose. Sometimes we’ll use it to make tea, eat honey and fuck around with the digital camera. There is a pause in the shoot between plates. This is that pause.

On another note. Yet again today I’m confronted with the disconnect that many photographers experience. The idea that photography is easy, or is just taking a picture, or just pushing a button. Whether it be in a casual way or in a very professional, commercial sense. What we do, if we’re doing it professionally, at a certain level, is the culmination of YEARS, DECADES, of experience and knowledge. Its not just the ability to make an image the fulfills the requirements, but file management, lighting, set building, production, execution, delivery on and on and on. The elements that go into this industry are as vast and complex as any industry. Yet we’re frequently seen as someone that just takes pictures. Its very frustrating to deal with. The need to educate our clients is very real and its a blind spot they have that we need to fill in. They don’t know what they don’t know. The lesson is how to take that resistance, that head wind and use it to an advantage. I’ll let you know when I figure out how to do that.

Enough seriousness, back to the honey eater. Thanks for reading. Click the images to get to the whole gallery.
Cheers!